Holy Shit, I’m Pregnant.

I was expecting my period Thursday, September 24th and decided that if it didn’t come Friday, I’d take a test.  Friday morning, my husband and I were at a hotel in the Bay Area for a wedding.  We woke up and I checked the sheets (gross, I know) and nothing.  I took my temperature and, not only was it high, it was higher than usual when it’s in the high range, if that makes any sense.  So I already suspected something was up.  We went to breakfast with some fellow wedding guests and they drove us to Walgreens afterward for toothpaste and shaving cream, which had been confiscated at the airport.  We debated whether or not to buy a pregnancy test because I was afraid to be disappointed.  My husband said to get one because if it was negative, I could get shitty at the wedding.  Good point.  Anyway, we decided to go for it.  When we got back to the hotel, housekeeping was cleaning our room, so I went to the bathroom in the lobby.  I had to pee so badly from all the decaf I drank at breakfast that I ripped the test open and read the instructions as quickly as I could.  I stuck the test on the floor and, two minutes later, saw the faint plus sign.  I couldn’t believe it.  I brought it out to show my husband.  I was doubtful as I didn’t want to be disappointed.  But even on the instructions, there were plus signs that looked just like mine, with one line fainter than the other.  It wasn’t the first pee of the morning, so the HCG might’ve been somewhat diluted.  We decided to take another test Sunday morning when we got home.

The wedding was great.  I didn’t drink, obviously, and didn’t feel any different.  We went home Saturday night and I went out to CVS and bought a test.  Sunday morning, woke up, took my temperature (still high) and peed on the stick.  And that’s the picture I posted on the previous post below.

Since then (it’s only Tuesday now), the only symptoms I’ve really felt are tender boobs and an occasional feeling of queasiness after I eat, but not nearly to the point of sickness.  In fact, I even googled “pregnancy no symptoms” to see what the hell was going on.  Fortunately, I saw multiple people “complaining” of the same thing.  Only tender boobs, but nothing else.  The thing is…I keep wanting to be sure I’m still pregnant.  What an odd thing.

My first doctors appointment is Sunday.  Until then, eating right and chillin’.

Phoebe

The Picture Says It All, People.

Just call me “Tender Tits”

It’s about 3 or 4 days until I should be getting my period or taking a pregnancy test.  My boobs are really sore and tender, more so than usual before my period and especially in the morning.  They feel bigger and engorged (how gross is that word?).  I don’t have any other pregnancy symptoms.

We’ll see…we’ll see…

Feelin’ good,

Phoebe

Lack is not my identity.

While I am enjoying what I am learning from the infertility community out there – I am so much more knowledgeable about fertility and my body in general since I started this journey – one thing that bothers me is the common thread I see of making infertility one’s identity.  Wishing for what I DON’T have seems to be a waste of a very short life.  What I mean is – everyone who wants to have a baby will get one in one way or another.  So the idea of spending a precious second, minute, hour or day feeling bad about and longing for something in the future is a waste of the here and now, which is so rich and WHICH WE WILL NEVER EVER EXPERIENCE AGAIN. I was in yoga class the other day, and took a breath and then thought “that moment is gone.”  Deep, huh?

My cat has been sick and his recent diagnosis, because he is old, has really made me think about mortality and the preciousness of each and every day.  I feel so alive, alert and aware lately that everything around me seems new and interesting.  Forget about what’s missing from our lives.  Let’s enjoy all the great things we have, the present moment and all we are doing and baby will come when he or she is ready.  Meantime, I got a positive LH result today (day 21) and so we’ll spend the weekend doin’ it.  Now there’s something to cherish…

Love,

Phoebe

Doin’ it and Doin’ it and Doin’ it well.

My husband had his varicocele surgery April 17th. The sperm was supposed to be tested four months later. A week or so ago, my husband went to his pee pee specialist who said it’s too early for the Supersonic Sperm test (not sure why), but…he did a regular one. His count was lower (which, apparently, can vary from sample to sample), but his motility had improved by something like 300%. The doctor said this was a sign that the varicocele surgery MIGHT have been effective. He will officially give him the supersonic test at the end of September.

Meantime, I’ve been tracking my cycles and they have definitely regulated, ranging between 32 and 36 days long. I am taking something called FertilAid, which a friend recommended, in order to get them to continue to be regular and maybe even make them shorter. I’ve been taking it for a month and so far all seems fine. Last month, I ovulated on day 17.  Today is day 13, so I started peeing on sticks.

We have decided to make baby-making our priority. It can be very easy to let jobs and school and other obligations take over one’s mental space, and we’ve decided we can no longer afford to do that. I am starting a new job in a couple weeks and have taken a leave of absence from school so that I can just focus on what matters right now: making a baby and paying the bee-ulls. My husband thinks that if we don’t get pregnant the old-fashioned way by December, that we should consider IVF. Personally, I don’t think that gives us enough time with the good sperm (only four months), but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Making baby-making our priority, by the way, does not mean that we plan to sit around wishing for something we don’t have. We are very careful right now to appreciate our free time, our ability to be spontaneous, to stay up late and enjoy quiet time.

Sex has been good lately too. Even though friends tell me “getting pregnant” sex is rarely sexy, enjoyment seems to me to be important for conception.

That’s all for now.

Phoebe